common ground : children

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Sentiments

I hope you're having a glorious Mother's Day,

and that you've had the opportunity to have spent time with your children.

Last night as we were having dinner with our younger daughter and her husband, in between laughter and our usual lighthearted conversation, memories of her childhood came forth. We reminisced about her youth, and ultimately landed on "parenting skill" differences between my husband's and my generation, to the current trends in parenting.

Parenting is one of the most difficult tasks that God puts before us, and most of us have had to learn as we go. When I had my girls, I was almost 23 and then 27, but unfortunately I had no skill set, nor my husband, on how to do the appropriate job. There weren't any classes to be found at our local church, no internet help videos, few books, and no support groups. As young adults we had to fend for ourselves. As much as we love our own parents, they weren't always any more gifted with wisdom for parenting than we were. Not that we came from "dysfunctional" families, but when it gets down to it, I think most families have their own bouts with dysfunction.

I've made many mistakes with our girls, but thankfully they love me in spite of my faults and lack of knowledge. They were both adults when I finally allowed God to truly lead and transform my thinking in life.

You know the old phrase from that famous movie, "Love means never having to say you're sorry"...well, for lack of a better description, it's a total lie.

Sometimes we have difficulty in putting ourselves in our children's "shoes". We lack sensitivity and insight into their precious mind's and heart's, and in our own frustration and lack of understanding we can make choices that are hurtful and damaging...without our knowing it. One thing God impressed upon me heavily was to be able to admit to my children my own mistakes, and to ask for their forgiveness for ways they might not have felt justified or have been hurt. Their "perception" of circumstances might be very different from our own as parents, but just as valid.

Saying "I'm sorry", has a way of mending broken relationships, and is a good first step to open dialogues, no matter how old your children may be. My husband and I come from a generation where punishment was sometimes physically harsh, and fostered negative feelings for years. Sometimes, an "I love you", needs to be accompanied with the words, "and if I've hurt you in any way, I'm sorry."

That's one of God's great desires for families; that we have relationship with our children and parents, and that we always take the time and effort to see things from their perspectives. The ability to be open and honest with our children is just as important as honesty between spouses. Asking God for His daily leading and guidance can make for better parenting skills and happier families.

If there are voids in your relationships with your children, for whatever reason, I know that God can heal all wounds and hurts. Our Heavenly Father is the best parent we can have. If you as adults, have fractures in your family I'm just reminding you, that God can heal those hurts, and make things right. Even if the other person is unreachable. God has powerful ways to love us, and His love conquers all.